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Ever want to get both sides of the stories at once? “He Sex, She Sex” is a new love and sex advice column created for Sugar Magazine. Each month Micheal LeCavalier and Joanna Klein will let you know what we think of your adventures and mishaps. You’ll get two separate responses to your questions, and you can follow both, one, or neither. Just remember: Mike and Joanna are NOT doctors, but rather young folks with a good handle on what guys and girls want and need in relationships, and in bed. Send all of your questions and comments to hesexshesex@hotmail.com |
My boyfriend wants me to give him head while he's sitting on the toilet. For some strange reason, this really turns him on. However, it's really hard to get into the mood after getting out of the shower at 6 a.m. I'm sure this is a common occurrence in today's society, and there is probably even a name hatched to it. What's it called? How do I break the news without being dumped?Signed, |
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He Sex: Common? Common enough to warrant a t-shirt.* The act of orally pleasing your king while he’s seated on the throne is called a “blumpkin.” Before you run for your dictionary I doubt this is the most scientific of terms. But fun to say! Blumpkin, blumpkin… anyway, I’m glad you wrote. It was probably not easy for your boyfriend to make this request in the first place. It’s not something you see in most mainstream porn or sex books, but you are right to pay special attention to his needs. I hope he does the same for yours. My advice is not to deny him of this turn-on. You can take this opportunity to share one of your festishes or fantasies, and a good partner would want to make you happy, too. Negotiate and compromise. You can tell him that 6am is too early for a blumpkin, but that you’re more than happy to make him happy after a few beers and some Taco Bell on Friday night. To all readers: Just like any fetish you are not obligated to go along with it if it makes you feel uncomfortable or you feel it endangers you. Blumpkins are of a scatological nature (i.e. poop related) so be careful of germs and the like. But if you and your partner communicate and are open to trying new things, the possibilities are endless. *(Google “blumpkin shirt” if you don’t believe me) She Sex: On his radio show, Howard Stern has referred to the practice of giving head while on the shitter the ‘blumpkin’ (see article at http://www.cwfa.org/images/content/ls-shockjocks.pdf). The answers to your question seem simple – is this something you want to do for your boyfriend? If you’re only opposition is the time of day, then you will just need to be honest with your partner and suggest an alternative time for the blumpkin. But if you’re not into it at all and know you never will be, then your battle with the blumpkin is small compared to the freaky deaky world you’ll soon enter. You may really care for this guy, but the blumpkin may just be the tip of the iceberg in his crazy sex schemes. My best advice is to be honest with yourself and with your partner - be clear on your expectations and hopes for your future sexual relationship. If he’s already introducing you to this – what’s next?? you’re either ready and willing to experiment and enter his world or you’re not. that’s up to you to decide. If you’re not into it, being dumped is far better than being blumped. But if you wanna bypass the dump for now and go for the blump (at anytime other than 6am)…just watch out for the splash! |
I have always been curious about going to a swingers’ party. Any tips on how to get into one? Are they safe? Are the men attractive? And do they test for STD's?
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He Sex:
My Uncle Steve always says, “Be good. And if you can’t be good, be careful.” That certainly applies to your question, Alice. First things first; how do you find one? Craigslist.org is becoming increasingly popular for these kinds of adventures. Check out the “Casual Encounters” section and search for parties in your area. It’s free but you won’t see what (or whom) you are getting into right away. Another good site is the Adult Friend Finder. The site, adultfriendfinder.com, allows you to create an anonymous profile a la match.com, with photos and what exactly you are looking for. Once you’ve set up your profile and pay the monthly fee (about $30) you can then contact anyone on the site. Parties, couples, very lonely men… they’ve got it all. At that point it’s up to you to determine the safety of the event, and the people you’ll be playing with. Don’t be afraid to request photos and use your judgment. Most only accept couples and single girls, handily avoiding the aforementioned single guys. Talk to the organizers about testing or any other requests or rules for their gathering. My advice, having been to one of these myself, is to always wear protection, and to bring your own. Also don’t be afraid to leave or make your own rules such as “oral-only” or “no anal.” If they have a problem with that then it’s their loss. Just leave. For the most part these people are just as nervous as you are, and nothing breaks the ice like being the first one with your tits out. She Sex: If you are just starting to explore your curiosity about swingers, I commend you for taking this first step! i would suggest further research online to learn and be sure this is something you're comfortable with pursuing either alone or with a partner. Check out www.sexuality.org/mgswing.html. Take some time to find the answers you're seeking. Maybe try an online chat forum to gain personal insight from experienced swingers. once you've decided this is something you'd like to purse, then you will have made connections, in the community, and gained some good insight on the reality of what happens at swing parties, good tips on where to go and what to do, what to wear, etc. tailored to your needs/wants. However, per your original questions: yes, the men will be attractive, but not all of them. it will probably be a similar mix of attractive vs. non-attractive people like you would normally find at any bar...and most swingers are middle class. STD testing is not typically required and some on-premises swingers’ parties even do not always promote using protective latex. If this is something that is important to you just be vocal about it and make sure you use whatever protection you want and need.
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My boyfriend wants me to f*** him. Are there any strap-ons that can pleasure me while I pleasure him? Signed
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He Sex:
The contrast of brevity and content in your question tells me that this is happening, no doubt, for you two. I’ve never had the, er, honor of being on the receiving end of a pegging but I checked with Babes in Toyland in SoHo. They recommend I go to their website (http://www.toysinbabeland.com) and check out the “Buzz Me Tender.” This little harness is not cheap, but features two pouches for small vibrators; one positioned behind the dildo and another on the clitoral area of the wearer. The vibrators, dildos, and harness are all purchased separately so stop in the store with your man and put together your own gadget belt. Just be sure to start small and work your way up. Don’t jump in with a King Dong and expect your boyfriend to be happy with it. You sure wouldn’t be. Be gentle and know that your boyfriend is going to be tenser than a cat in a kennel. For you and everyone reading, there is one word to know when dealing with the anus; LUBE. Use plenty of it. The butt does not get itself wet, so slop it on. When using toys in the back attic, like dildos and butt plugs, be sure to check what they are made out of. Any toy works with water-based lubricant (KY, Astroglide, etc.) But if your toy is made of silicone do NOT use silicone-based lubricant. Only water-based. So in not to long you’ll be fucking your boyfriend and getting your own, too. Be sure to make him a nice breakfast.
Good news for you! there is a strap on that can pleasure the both of you, quite well, actually. the number one recommended of its kind is called the ‘Late Night Visitor.’ It includes a vaginal plug on the inside of the front piece (for you) as well as a dildo jetting out in the opposite direction for his pleasure. Both plug and dildo are attached to a harness which you will be wearing as you pleasure both yourself and your curious partner. If you’d like to read more about the ‘Late Night Visitor’ or want to purchase online, it can be found on www.mypleasure.com. I would also highly recommend checking out a toy store in person. Feeling and checking out the toys together can be great foreplay to when your late night visitor comes over and over again.
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